Monday, August 8, 2016

NATS (66-45) BETTER THAN GIANTS YESTERDAY

 Tanner Roark's somewhat 
 anonymous, but he has 
 become solid start 

 Melancon got his first save 
 as a Nat; (fuck Papelbon) 

NATS (65-45) WORSE THAN GIANTS TWO DAYS AGO

 Strasburg's sixteenth win 
 did not happen, Giants scrapped 
 together a win 

 might this be playoff preview? 
 I hope Strasburg's loss was not 

NATS (65-44) BETTER THAN GIANTS THREE DAYS AGO

 after achieving 
 rare six-nine plus four-twenty, 
 Gio starts again 

 the Nats Dionysian 
 destiny is sealed; they won 

NATS (64-44) BETTER THAN DIAMONDBACKS FIVE DAYS AGO

 oh, Max Scherzer? he 
 just struck out eleven dudes 
 over 8 innings 

 also got two-run single, 
 all for six-nine, four-twenty 

NATS (63-44) BETTER THAN DIAMONDBACKS SIX DAYS AGO

 another ten-run 
 offensive bombardment for 
 6-9, 4.20 

 sixty-nine is sexual, 
 four-twenty is ancestral 

NATS (62-44) BETTER THAN DIAMONDBACKS A WEEK AGO

 in celebration 
 of Gio's magic 6-9 
 4.20, Nats smash 

 14 runs while Strasburg aced 
 type smashing, with Melancon 

NATS (61-44) WORSE THAN GIANTS 8 DAYS AGO

 baseball is magic 
 game of numbers, and magic 
 always shows itself 

 with loss, Gio's 6 and 9, 
 with 4.20 ERA 

NATS (61-43) WORSE THAN GIANTS 9 DAYS AGO

 bullpen gave up four 
 walks, helped fuck this thing up good, 
 but NEVER MIND THAT 

 Nats acquired Mark Melancon - 
 to fix our shitty bullpen 

NATS (61-42) BETTER THAN GIANTS 10 DAYS AGO

 Maximum Scherzer 
 was just his normal top-shelf 
 self over 7 

 but of note is Nats turning 
 first triple play since "the Nats" 

NATS (60-42) BETTER THAN GIANTS 11 DAYS AGO

 hard not to love that 
 Johnny Cueto, but Tanner 
 Roark performed nicely 

 Papelbon tried to blow it, 
 but Dusty relieved him first 

NATS (59-42) BETTER THAN INDIANS 12 DAYS AGO

 aside from Strasborg 
 returning to his ace form, 
 what of Trea Turner? 

 he has become the lead-off 
 hitter the Nats always lacked 

NATS (58-42) WORSE THAN INDIANS 13 DAYS AGO

 Gio with strong start, 
 but the bullpen unravelled, 
 capped by Papelbon 

 he gave up 3 in the 9th; 
 Dusty is playing long con 

NATS (58-41) WORSE THAN PADRES 15 DAYS AGO

 fucking Papelbon 
 gave up 4 runs in the 9th, 
 took another L 

 stupid fucking Papelbon, 
 French for "piece of shit fuckface" 

NATS (58-40) BETTER THAN PADRES 16 DAYS AGO

 Maximum Scherzer 
 was maximal as always, 
 yet Papelbon won 

 stupid fucking Papelbon, 
 French for "locker room cancer" 

NATS (57-40) WORSE THAN PADRES 17 DAYS AGO

 Friday evening 
 home series opener Saint 
 Diego Fathers 

 someone attends ev'ry game 
 and that person is insane 

NATS (57-39) WORSE THAN DODGERS 18 DAYS AGO

 beloved Stephon 
 Strasborg suffers his first 
 loss of this season 

 five runs off two homers by 
 some fuckface Justin Turner 

NATS (57-38) BETTER THAN DODGERS 19 DAYS AGO

 Ultimate Harper 
 with the first inning dinger 
 (dork phrase for "home run") 

 Gio Gonzalez winning 
 fills my heart with shining joy 

NATS (56-38) WORSE THAN DODGERS 20 DAYS AGO

 when the Dodgers are 
 successful, I think of them 
 as like the Yankees 

 that is, they are evil and 
 I hate all that is "Dodgers" 

NATS (56-37) WORSE THAN PIRATES 22 DAYS AGO

 the guy I work with 
 went to this game, but they left 
 around tenth inning 

 it was hot as fuck; at end 
 of game, nobody was left 

NATS (56-36) BETTER THAN PIRATES 23 DAYS AGO

 scrappy Tanner Roark 
 pitched like a Strasburg, got 
 the shut out win, bruh 

 dude I work with - Pirates fan - 
 went to this game; he was mad 

NATS (55-36) BETTER THAN PIRATES 24 DAYS AGO

 baseball's long slog lost 
 me there for a long minute - 
 return out of guilt 

 Strasburg went 13 and 0 
 on another top-notch start 

Monday, July 11, 2016

NATS (54-36) BETTER THAN METS YESTERDAY

 Gio Gonzalez 
 shaky perhaps, but held his 
 his together well 

 Daniel Murphy home run helps 
 destroy his former team's hopes 

NATS (53-36) BETTER THAN METS TWO DAYS AGO

 Maximum Scherzer 
 remains pretty amazing, 
 striking out mass fools 

 also Daniel Murphy is 
 pretty swell ball player too 

NATS (52-36) BETTER THAN METS THREE DAYS AGO

 Stephen Strasburg is 
 an unstoppable force of 
 dominant presence 

 (I hope he doesn't break in 
 half before October though) 

NATS (51-36) WORSE THAN METS FOUR DAYS AGO

 the Mets used pitchers 
 with the last names "Bastardo" 
 and "Familia" 

 this comedy helps lighten 
 Luke Giolito's failures 

NATS (51-35) BETTER THAN BREWERS FIVE DAYS AGO

 Ultimate Harper 
 smashed himself a first inning 
 homer, with two on 

 offense continued smashing 
 enough to keep cushioned lead 

NATS (50-35) WORSE THAN BREWERS SIX DAYS AGO

 another shitty 
 Gio Gonzalez start - this 
 has become common 

 and yet how can you not love 
 scruffy smiling Nat Gio? 

NATS (50-34) WORSE THAN BREWERS SEVEN DAYS AGO

 capital city 
 team called Nationals - 4th of 
 July holiday 

 only thing that can beat us? 
 alcoholism (Brewers) 

NATS (50-33) BETTER THAN REDS EIGHT DAYS AGO

 return of Strasborg 
 of course equals another 
 superlative win 

 11 wins to 0 
 losses - epic beginning 

NATS (49-33) WORSE THAN REDS NINE DAYS AGO

 Joe Ross got hammered, 
 and then the bullpen did too; 
 HOLIDAY WEEKEND! 

 nothing's more American 
 than getting lit with fireworks 

NATS (49-32) BETTER THAN REDS TEN DAYS AGO

 TEN DAYS OF BASEBALL 
 LOST TO WHIRLWIND REAL LIFE SHIT; 
 I wouldn't say "lost" 

 there's reasons this game appeals 
 to statistical dorks - slow 

Friday, July 1, 2016

NATS (48-32) BETTER THAN REDS LAST NIGHT

 Gio still gave up 
 4 runs, but also offense 
 smashed back for 13 

 I love Gio Gonzalez; 
 he has Power of Lounge look 

NATS (47-32) BETTER THAN METS TWO DAYS AGO

 Maximum Scherzer 
 does not fuck around; went out 
 up by 4 long runs 

 bullpen gave back two (uh oh!) 
 but held on; bitch Mets got swept 

NATS (46-32) BETTER THAN METS THREE DAYS AGO

 "Lucky" Lucas F. 
 Giolito makes first start, 
 appeared competent 

 rain delay ended his day 
 early, but Nats still blanked Mets 

NATS (45-32) BETTER THAN METS FOUR DAYS AGO

 a thorough crushing 
 of divisional rival 
 Metropolitans 

 Daniel Murphy dominates 
 all realms of this sport of dorks 

Monday, June 27, 2016

NATS (44-32) BETTER THAN BREWERS YESTERDAY

 scrappy ass Tanner 
 Roark breaks the losing streak (though
 bullpen tried to lose) 

 of more concern is Strasburg 
 (undefeated) missed two starts 

NATS (43-32) WORSE THAN BREWERS TWO DAYS AGO

 Gio been looking 
 shakier than fuck lately; 
 road struggles tripping 

 seven losses in a row; 
 luckily, Mets also suck 

NATS (43-31) WORSE THAN BREWERS THREE DAYS AGO

 Maximum Scherzer 
 strong with the strikeouts, but weak 
 with allowing runs 

 where the fuck is Bryce Harper, 
 the dominating presence? 

Friday, June 24, 2016

NATS (43-30) WORSE THAN DODGERS TWO DAYS AGO

 suffering series 
 sweep against Los Angeles - 
 5-game losing streak 

 one more series before this 
 road trip is done - the Brewers 

NATS (43-29) WORSE THAN DODGERS THREE DAYS AGO

 Tanner Roark really 
 solid, but three-run homer 
 in 8th ruined it 

 maybe consider pulling 
 them pitchers quicker, Dusty 

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

NATS (43-28) WORSE THAN DODGERS LAST NIGHT

 "Clayton Kershaw" pure 
 baseball name pitched pure baseball 
 game, got a pure win 

 the ethnic implications 
 of "pure" purely intended 

Monday, June 20, 2016

NATS (43-27) WORSE THAN PADRES YESTERDAY

 holy fuck, Gio 
 Gonzalez got rocked again; 
 fuck it though, just June 

 some starting pitchers are bound 
 to ride through summer doldrums 

NATS (43-26) WORSE THAN PADRES TWO DAYS AGO

 bullpen totally 
 fucked this one up, giving up 
 six runs in the 8th 

 Felipe Rivero looks 
 like shit, total complete shit 

NATS (43-25) BETTER THAN PADRES THREE DAYS AGO

 apparently, Joe 
 Ross was originally 
 a Padre player 

 thus, perhaps Joe Ross avenged 
 an earlier career slight 

NATS (42-25) BETTER THAN PADRES FOUR DAYS AGO

 Ultimate Harper 
 got a homer; remember 
 when he was smashing? 

 now a Bryce Harper homer 
 seems rare, yet they stay winning 

NATS (41-25) BETTER THAN CUBS FIVE DAYS AGO

 12-inning pitchers' 
 duel, won by walk-off hit by 
 caveman Jayson Werth 

 post-game interview - he cursed, 
 which dork fans thought was edgy 

NATS (40-25) WORSE THAN CUBS SIX DAYS AGO

 Gio Gonzalez 
 looked shaky (in retrospect... 
 just googled that shit) 

 daily baseball blogging seems 
 like seventh level of hell 

Monday, June 13, 2016

NATS (39-24) BETTER THAN PHILLIES YESTERDAY

 Jonny Papelbon 
 got the win, but nearly fucked 
 this up completely 

 Jonathon Papelbon is 
 a wretched human being 

NATS (38-24) BETTER THAN PHILLIES TWO DAYS AGO

 Saturday afternoon 
 crushage of pseudo-rivals 
 from same division 

 "it's not a rivalry if 
 one team always wins" rings true 

NATS (37-24) BETTER THAN PHILLIES THREE DAYS AGO

 though he gave up four 
 runs early, Strasborg battled 
 and scrapped out a win 

 retired the last 14 he 
 faced, in fact - dominated 

NATS (36-24) WORSE THAN WHITE SOX FOUR DAYS AGO

 Vince McMahon hates 
 to book interleague sweeps - it's 
 not good for bizness 

 Nats drop boring, flyaway 
 game before returning home 

NATS (36-23) BETTER THAN WHITE SOX FIVE DAYS AGO

 daily baseball blog 
 'bout as dumb an idea 
 as daily baseball 

 nonetheless, Nats fucked up James 
 Shields, like straight fucked his ass up 

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

NATS (35-23) BETTER THAN WHITE SOX LAST NIGHT

 inter-league game, so 
 DH in effect; what if 
 pitcher could hit good? 

 what if they used the DH 
 position for non-pitcher? 

Monday, June 6, 2016

NATS (34-23) BETTER THAN REDS YESTERDAY

 Sunday afternoon 
 baseball - Great American 
 Ball Park - USA 

 "let's have 10 to 9 barrage 
 of ridiculous offense!" 

NATS (33-23) WORSE THAN REDS TWO DAYS AGO

 Strasborg good but not 
 enough to win; Nats did score 
 enough he ain't lose 

 team lost, but Strasborg remains 
 undefeated on the year 

NATS (33-22) WORSE THAN REDS THREE DAYS AGO

 tough game for Gio; 
 Dusty Baker returns to 
 place he burned bridges 

 if a boy fell onto field, 
 would they shoot Joey Votto? 

NATS (33-21) BETTER THAN PHILLIES FIVE DAYS AGO

 emailed a finance 
 dude who's Phillies fan at work 
 picture of a broom 

 this was the whitest moment 
 of my whole life, easily 

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

NATS (32-21) BETTER THAN PHILLIES LAST NIGHT

 Murphy remains hot 
 even with young Bryce Harper 
 having the night off 

 Joe Ross done won two straight now, 
 over that nasty blister 

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

NATS (31-21) BETTER THAN PHILLIES YESTERDAY

 the fear of Harper 
 has given Daniel Murphy 
 chance to fucking shine 

 he's literally cleaning 
 up at the plate - winning, bro 

NATS (30-21) BETTER THAN CARDINALS TWO DAYS AGO

 bionic Strasborg 
 now 9-0 this season; 
 Cardinals crushage! 

 which will last longer - Dusty's 
 orders or Strasborg's elbow? 

NATS (29-21) WORSE THAN CARDINALS THREE DAYS AGO

 let's be real - there are 
 too many damned baseball games 
 in normal season 

 ultimately, all this shit 
 is meaningless when you're dead 

Saturday, May 28, 2016

NATS (29-20) WORSE THAN CARDINALS TONIGHT

 fuckin' Max Scherzer 
 got waxed in the 3rd inning, 
 pretty much game done 

 dumbass people can turn hats 
 inside out - it don't matter 

Friday, May 27, 2016

NATS (29-19) BETTER THAN CARDINALS

 Harper's been somewhat 
 homerless, but crushed third-deck 
 bomb sans batting gloves 

 youthful precocious swagger 
 helped kill bastard Cardinals 

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

NATS (28-19) WORSE THAN METS EARLIER TODAY

 early afternoon 
 game early enough could've 
 watched at work online 

 but I forgot plus work was 
 worklike and shit; plus, Nats lost 

NATS (28-18) BETTER THAN METS LAST NIGHT

 interesting stat - 
 since June 23rd last 
 year, when Strasborg starts...

 Nats are 21 and 2; 
 that's solid as fucking fuck 

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Monday, May 23, 2016

NATS (27-17) BETTER THAN MARLINS YESTERDAY

 by time Maximum 
 Scherzer gave up two runs in 
 7th, was up 6 

 Harper/Murphy as meat of 
 batting order could get wild 

NATS (26-17) WORSE THAN MARLINS TWO DAYS AGO

 post-finger blister 
 Joe Ross remains a "loss" cause - 
 eating innings though!

 ahh - stupid fucking baseball, 
 having people eat innings 

NATS (26-16) BETTER THAN MARLINS THREE DAYS AGO

 trip to Miami's 
 stadium monstrosity, 
 "psychedelic" place 

 baseball psychedelic's false, 
 always, unless Dock Ellis 

Friday, May 20, 2016

NATS (25-16) BETTER THAN METS LAST NIGHT

 at quarter mark - a 
 dominant performance at 
 division rival 

 these are the games which compose 
 great seasons, but we need more 

Thursday, May 19, 2016

NATS (24-16) BETTER THAN METS LAST NIGHT

 Gio Gonzales 
 has grown lustrous shaggy mop - 
 perfect pitcher's hair 

 Bartolo Colon is what... 
 a thousand years old? Nats win! 

NATS (23-16) WORSE THAN METS TWO DAYS AGO

 Maximum Scherzer 
 outdueled in divisional 
 rival pitching duel 

 if I've not mentioned how much 
 I hate the Mets - I hate them 

NATS (23-15) WORSE THAN MARLINS FOUR DAYS AGO

 how the fuck is Nats 
 gonna split home series in 
 half with damn Marlins? 

 I know it's a marathon 
 not a sprint, but I don't know 

NATS (23-14) WORSE THAN MARLINS FIVE DAYS AGO

 Bryce Harper quickly 
 dropped single-game suspension 
 appeal, sat one out 

 night cap throwaway to May 
 double-header, without star 

NATS (23-13) BETTER THAN MARLINS FIVE DAYS AGO

 old-timey day/night 
 double-header - early game 
 with lots of scoring 

 that's the only way to keep 
 people awake for both games 

Friday, May 13, 2016

NATS (22-13) BETTER THAN MARLINS TONIGHT

 seems like Bryce Harper 
 has been quieter, other 
 than that ejection 

 he yanked game-winning homer 
 though, angrily fired back up 

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

NATS (21-13) BETTER THAN TIGERS TONIGHT

 writing thirty-one 
 syllables times one hundred 
 and sixty-two games 

 that's just over five thousand 
 idiotic syllables 

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

NATS (20-13) WORSE THAN TIGERS TONIGHT

 WHAT HAS GONE WRONG WITH 
 JOE ROSS, EARLY FAVORITE 
 TO THIS DUMB SEASON? 

 POST-BLISTER, HE HAS REALLY 
 STRUGGLED! (also, Strasborg's rich) 

NATS (20-12) BETTER THAN TIGERS LAST NIGHT

 after 4-game sweep, 
 Clint Robinson's (who?) walk-off 
 homer was needed 

 and yet, the Nats find themselves 
 second in the division 

NATS (19-12) WORSE THAN CUBS 2 DAYS AGO

 13th inning loss 
 completes competitive 
 but painful sweep 

 on the plus though, offense smashed
 ace Arrieta off in 5 

NATS (19-11) WORSE THAN CUBS 3 DAYS AGO

 I was in Maine, tuned 
 out from digital affairs, 
 so *missed* whole series 

 baseball so slow and boring 
 you can easily miss months 

NATS (19-10) WORSE THAN CUBS 4 DAYS AGO

 pitchers duel betwixt 
 Maximum Scherzer and John 
 Lackey was promised 

 Maximum Scherzer shaky 
 as fuck though - should we worry? 

NATS (19-9) WORSE THAN CUBS 5 DAYS AGO

 Joe Ross held these Cubs 
 to only 2 runs over 
 near 7 innings 

 bullpen added 3, offense 
 got 2; Joe Ross's first loss 

NATS (19-8) BETTER THAN ROYALS SIX DAYS AGO

 offense had given 
 13 runs before Strasborg 
 retired to dugout 

 who the fuck ain't gonna win 
 a rubber stamp game like that? 

NATS (18-8) WORSE THAN ROYALS A WEEK AGO

 Jonny Papelbon 
 faced seven batters for save, 
 gave up three runs, lost 

 walk off road losses might hurt, 
 but shitty humans hurt worse 

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

NATS (18-7) BETTER THAN ROYALS TONIGHT

 Edinson Volquez 
 (of flat brim fame) reunites 
 with Dusty Baker 

 Gio kept it scattered but 
 smothered, two-run 1st - Nats win 

Monday, May 2, 2016

NATS (17-7) BETTER THAN CARDINALS YESTERDAY

 Maximum Scherzer 
 back to maximized effect, 
 plus offense firing 

 after swept by Phillies, 
 Nats sweep godless Cardinals 

NATS (16-7) BETTER THAN CARDINALS TWO DAYS AGO

 Joe Ross's blister 
 seems to have subsided, so 
 Nats dominated 

 has this Joe Ross dude become 
 defacto Nats spinal cord? 

NATS (15-7) BETTER THAN CARDINALS THREE DAYS AGO

 after shakey 1st, 
 Strasborg finagled his way 
 through seven innings 

 scrappy road win powered by 
 4-run 4th to end April 

NATS (14-7) WORSE THAN PHILLIES FOUR DAYS AGO

 not just a sweep by 
 divisional rivals, but 
 painful, ugly sweep 

 last two games - six hits combined 
 for zero runs; still early though 

NATS (14-6) WORSE THAN PHILLIES FIVE DAYS AGO

 offensive goose eggs, 
 two measley ass hits the whole 
 game - the fuck is this? 

 Harper gonna be walking 
 more than prime-time Barry Bonds 

NATS (14-5) WORSE THAN PHILLIES SIX DAYS AGO

 Maximum Scherzer 
 had minimal first inning, 
 never overcame 

 who cares though, since the Flyers 
 caught Stanely Cup piledrivers? 

Monday, April 25, 2016

NATS (14-4) BETTER THAN TWINS TODAY

 Harper batted in 
 tying run, bottom of ninth, 
 then forever came 

 bottom of sixteenth inning, 
 walk-off homer, game over 

NATS (13-4) BETTER THAN TWINS YESTERDAY

 April interleague 
 baseball is as exciting 
 as shit even gets 

 do Twins still have that dumbass 
 catcher Maury Povich dude? 

Friday, April 22, 2016

Thursday, April 21, 2016

NATS (11-4) WORSE THAN MARLINS JUST NOW

 Thursday afternoon 
 matinee fly-away game, 
 vacant Miami 

 hard to really give a fuck - 
 let's get to the airport, bros 

NATS (11-3) BETTER THAN MARLINS YESTERDAY

 unexpected ace 
 of early season Joe Ross 
 pulled early - uh oh 

 pitching hand callous became 
 blister but the Nats still won 

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

NATS (10-3) BETTER THAN MARLINS

 another grand slam 
 by the Ultimate Harper - 
 channeled energies 

 Strasborg (plus bullpen) kept it 
 zero on the other side 

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

NATS (9-3) WORSE THAN MARLINS YESTERDAY

 honestly sort of 
 halfway happy they're on a 
 two-game losing streak 

 it's only fucking April; 
 don't be peaking too early