Monday, July 15, 2013

Blue Jays at the Break: Contemptible Jerksquad, or Sorry Sack of Butts?

This improbably horrendous Blue Jays season is really heating up!
Let us be frank with one another, as we are all of us friends here, and owe each other at least that much: this has been awful, and probably shameful. The only thing truly rad that has happened thus far in this utter butt ( butter utt?) of a Blue Jays season is, of course, the franchise-record tying eleven-game winning streak, but in truth that only truly served to remind us of two grim realities. The first of these is the still harrowing fact that Tony Fernandez no longer plays for the Toronto Blue Jays (he did, you will recall, in  the 1987 and 1998 seasons which also saw eleven-game streaks). The second is that the Blue Jays are so damn far behind that they both began and ended an eleven-game streak in last place. They are beyond done, and I hate it.

Perhaps the only true good to come out of this hideous maelstrom of the worst butts ever imagined in the darkest mind of a season is that we have, together, discovered Munenori Kawasaki, who we have all of of course seen be amazing in this interview at least a couple of times, but why not enjoy it anew? Why wouldn't you do that? You are not a busy person, not like a nurse or a person who is on call a lot or anything like that.

Of course I am pleased that Jose Bautista, E5, and Brett Cecil (!) have all been in All-Star fettle, but on the whole I simply cannot escape the feeling that all is blasted. 

(FUN FACT: if you Google the phrase "all is blasted," the first page of results shows Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, of course, and also a Baseball Feeling I wrote following an eleven-inning Blue Jays loss to Cleveland in which I explain my policy of never staying up for extra-inning games.)  

Anyway, doom. 



  1. I've tried to adhere to your "No extra inning" policy and have failed utterly, which is rough since in the recent past, the Mets have played 15-inning, 16-inning and 20-inning games (and gone 1-2 in said affairs)

  2. not worth it bro

    not now, not ever

  3. Hi, I'm a Mariners fan, so I appreciate your "all is blasted" feeling. I need to adopt the No Extra Innings policy with my M's- we just lost to the Rangers on a highly controversial 10th inning balk so the hell with all of it.

    Glad you guys have Munie because I loved him so, but Seattle didn't appreciate him enough because it's kind of a town full of morose jerks.

    Anyway, I just discovered your blog and it is delightful and I hope you write more stuff even though you have less baseball feelings this year, okay, bye!